Fourteenth: The Bride I Loved The Most
My blog posts every month and always on the fourteenth. Thus the name of the blog; “Fourteenth.” I have skipped a blog post on a few occasions; the Covid shutdown, the birth of my first grandchild, and while designing on location for the WBFF. However, I have always left a short paragraph to give notice and invite you back the following month. My silence on July fourteenth was different.
Photo by Michael J. Ramos
On July 13th, 2021, my mom passed away while I lovingly held her hand. My mom, Judy Ann Coda, was and will always be, the bride I loved the most. I decided to honor her on this month’s blog, August Fourteenth—her birthday.
Beautiful Judy
A few weeks ago, my brother, Richie, journeyed from Arizona to stay with us while we said our goodbyes to Mom. He is a talented photographer, amongst other creative titles found attached to his professional name. After Mom’s funeral, Richie made his way back to Arizona with black and white treasures in the trunk of his car. He scanned and cleaned up the few photos we found of Mom when she was only nineteen, in addition to her wedding album. Mom had a sense of fashion and style, and I love seeing her smile.
“I never saw this photo before. Mom is wearing a pencil skirt with a beautiful sweater and blouse. I would love to have this outfit in my possession. It is a classic design that I learned to drape while studying at F.I.T. My mom was beautiful and model-like to me.”
Mom loved to roller skate at the rink in Florham Park, NJ, and loved roller derby. I spoke with my Uncle Bobby yesterday, and he said they would skate every week.
“Mom exuded confidence and beauty as she wrote to her own mom just weeks before her wedding.”
Bridal style
On April 19th, 1959, Mom and Nana readied to leave for the church. My mom’s dad passed away almost exactly one year before. Throughout my career, I have worked with countless brides who have lost their mom or dad. I often think about their thoughts and emotions on their wedding day. I wonder what my mom was thinking.
I loved my mom’s classic 50’s style tea-length gown in allover lace. Mom allowed my sister and me to try it on when we were younger. We didn’t appreciate the fact that this was mom’s wedding gown. We would play dress-up with it, and eventually, it tore. I have no recollection of mom’s crown or veil. She told me that she found the box for her crown in the basement, but it was empty. I would have loved to restore it and proudly display it in the shop.
“Just weeks before my mom died, we talked about her wedding gown. She told me she threw it away because it was torn and tattered. She knew that I was distraught over tossing her gown. I told her that I could have repaired it. She said, “Who knew you would become a famous fashion designer!” This made me chuckle, but I was also happy that I was famous through mom’s eyes.”
I don’t just see my mom and her brother walking her down the aisle in this photo, I see women’s hats and think of the days when the millinery industry was bustling and creating them by hand.
White dinner jackets and headpieces for the maid-of-honor and bridesmaid added elegance and class to the weddings of yesteryear.
There is something so beautiful about weddings in those days. We have fallen so far away from the simplicity of wedding celebrations.
Mimi of the bride
In 2017, my daughter, Brielle, became a bride. As my mom got older, she had no patience for the discomforts of fashion and resisted wearing a gown for the wedding. She wanted to be comfortable! We found her the perfect gown, and she wore it so beautifully.
Photography by Allison Kuhn
Even more beautiful was finding my mom playing the piano in the middle of the evening in the Main House at Historic Mankin Mansion. She was gifted and played by ear.
Mom’s Gifts
My mom gave so much to so many. She supported the veterans by donating clothing to homeless veterans and making numerous donations to Greendrop, benefiting the Military Order of the Purple Heart Service Foundation. She proudly flew her American and Navy flags at home. Mom regularly attended the Marine Breakfast. When they asked for donations at events or outside the local supermarket, she would give the last dollar in her purse and say, “Anything for our veterans.” To honor her memory, our family asked for contributions to The Gary Sinise Foundation.
“Mom spent many years providing a safe haven for dogs by fostering over fifty-five as they awaited loving families. Five of those dogs made it into our family; Penny, Sheldon, Sandie, Aimee, and Chappy.”
Chappy joined our family in 2016. She wouldn’t be a part of our family if it weren’t for Mom.
Chappy has greeted so many of my brides and spends most of the week at the shop with me.
Lessons From Mom
Mom raised six kids by instinct, grounded by the love of a mother for her children. She didn’t learn from books, but instead by life. She let us fail and learn to live with the consequences. Yes, she would cut us slack now and then, and cover for us with Dad. As hard as it was to see this when I was young, things have become clearer as I age.
“Mom, I will always treasure your laugh. I will pass on your advice for my grandbabies to come, that it is ok to give them a little whiskey now and then. I will love my little Chappy as though she was the greatest gift you ever gave me. I will continue to watch the Buzzer Channel 1970s game shows and remember our last weeks together. I will forever be grateful for you bringing family members back together as we said our goodbyes. I will always look for signs and be open to your presence. But most of all, I will forever miss you and wish you stayed just a little while longer.”
Today on your birthday, I wish you happiness in Heaven. You will always be the bride I loved the most. —Marie
See you next month on the Fourteenth