Planning Your Wedding Without Your Mom

Many of my brides seek to use their moms' wedding fashions because their moms have passed away. This month, two of my brides opened up about the emotions of planning their weddings without their moms.

I lost my mom in 2021. I know what that loss feels like. It doesn’t matter the age or how we lose our moms. It is a profound loss that your heart never recovers from. When my brides come to me, I feel their sadness. But I will never know what getting married without my mom is like.

My mom played the piano by ear. At my daughter’s wedding, I found her playing in the main house at Mankin Mansion in Richmond, Virginia. By chance, wedding photographer Allison Kuhn snapped this picture, which I cherish.


“My Mom Never Met the Man I Would Marry”

Amy Rose Montaruli married on September 8th, 2023. Her mom passed away 13 years before she would marry Corey, the love of her life.

Amy Rose and her mom Denise.

This grief is something I have always carried with me. But deep in my heart, I know she played a little part in our love story...and she had the best seat in the house watching from above.
— Amy Rose

Corey proposed to Amy Rose on October 14th, 2022.

The most difficult part of planning my wedding without my mom was her overall presence—her reassurance in my choices, her impeccable taste, and just knowing me the best!
Vendors naturally expect the mother of the bride to attend the appointment. I felt like I was being asked on repeat, “Will your mom be joining us?” These moments were the hardest.
My dream of wedding dress shopping never not included my mom until the day arrived, and she wasn’t here for it.

Amy Rose shared her childhood memories as a little girl imagining her wedding with her mom and planning the details together. They would watch “Say Yes to the Dress” and have mindless chatter about the perfect style.

I thought the best way to approach this dreadful task was to go to the bridal store on my own to get all the feelings out, and then I would magically be fixed.

The sales associate asked Amy Rose if she was waiting for anyone and she replied, '“No, it will just be me.” When she tried on the first dress she was overwhelmed with emotions but determined to continue on.

I lifted my head high and walked out to what seemed like a sea of women with their mothers having that “moment.” It was then that it finally hit me that I would never see my mom’s reaction in my wedding dress or have the moment we always dreamed about. I cried on the way home and acknowledged that it was okay to be sad. I told myself that I was allowed to feel joy when I finally found the dress.

Brides who have experienced the loss of their mother often find it hard to share their feelings with others. Amy Rose found herself bottling things up and broke down when choosing a photographer.

It wasn’t that I didn’t know what type of photographer I wanted, but I wanted my mom to validate that decision, and my fiancé couldn’t understand that I needed that. Unless you have personally experienced what it is like to plan a wedding without your mom by your side, it is difficult for others to understand the grief and loss you are experiencing.

As the last in her friend group to get married, Amy Rose has already experienced the special mother/daughter moments, but only as though looking through a lens.

Emotionally, I danced between numbness and sadness while also trying to be happy and supportive of my best friend on her wedding day. I was numb going through the motions because I didn’t want to know what it was like TO have your mom on your wedding day. At times, the feelings of sadness were so overwhelming I almost felt like I was suffocating.

Amy Rose was looking for something outside of the traditional ways to honor her mom on her wedding day, not only because of her love for her mother but because of the love she witnessed her parents share through the years.

I wanted to have a piece of my mom with me in the most intimate way, so my mind immediately went to her dress and veil. I decided on my mom’s gown not only because of my admiration for my parents’ love story but because the simple yet elegant gown was the timeless look I knew she would want for me on my special day.

Corey and Amy Rose drove from Philadelphia to meet with me.

When the idea of restoring my mom’s original wedding veil from the 1970s came to mind, I knew there had to be someone out there who specialized in creating, envisioning, and cultivating this work of art, as I call it.
After searching on Instagram for vintage wedding veil redesigns, I came across Headpiece.com. I knew Marie was that “someone” with the skill and craftsmanship to take this on, and I reached out to her immediately.

The final veil design was perfectly suited to Amy Rose’s vision. I removed as much lace as possible from her mom’s gown and restyled her original veil to create a timeless veil with a bit of a modern flair. Using the galloon lace, I designed a delicate headpiece at the comb embellished with crystals and pearls; additional hand-placed stones along the veil created an invisible sparkle as though it was raining down from heaven.

Photography by Hitched Productions

Amy Rose’s wedding bouquet had dangling framed memories of her mom on her wedding day and more present day, along with her college roommate and best friend.

When I put my veil on, I felt an unexplainable feeling. Her love completely embraced me as if she were walking beside me. I breathed a sigh of relief that she was finally here.
The emotional moments where I was profoundly thinking of my mom was when my dad and I had our First Look and when we were waiting to walk over the bridge.
At this moment, I thought 45 years ago, this was the same veil walking beside my dad. I think of how it must have felt for him.
From day one, while planning our wedding, Corey acknowledged how hard it was for me not to have my mom through this process. He was so supportive in making sure that my mother’s presence could be felt during our wedding. He cared so much that he gifted me my veil.

“My Mom Passed Away Less Than Two Years Before My Wedding”

Mary Curry’s mom was very involved in planning her engagement and even helped her fiancé choose the ring via FaceTime.

Mary and her mom, Rosemary.

The most difficult part of wedding planning without my mom was not having her as a sounding board for my ideas and decisions. I always placed tremendous trust in her opinion and judgment, and not having her a phone call away was challenging.
— Mary

Mary’s mom knew the plan for Bill’s proposal and made sure that her hair, makeup, and nails, were done. Bill got down on one knee atop Summit One Vanderbilt, 1100 feet above the heart of Manhattan.

After Bill proposed, overlooking New York and the Empire State Building, we turned the corner to see our families, including my mom, waiting to celebrate with us. When I saw her in the distance, I started to cry and ran to hug her and show her my ring. It was a once-in-a-lifetime moment and feeling.
I am an only child, and my parents were married fourteen years before they had me. As my mom’s “Angel,” she and I had an incredibly special relationship that, no matter how hard I try, feels nearly impossible to put into words.
I often found myself asking, “What would Mom do?” After some time, I began trusting myself, realizing she had taught me so much and knew she was watching over me with love and pride.
I missed my mom the most when it came to wedding dress shopping. My mom and I had always talked about it as a big day. She wanted us to bring a group in a limousine to shop and then have a celebratory dinner after I picked my dress. Though I am sure my mom would have wanted me to go forward with that plan, I couldn’t imagine it without her. I procrastinated as long as I could, not feeling ready to face such a big emotional decision without her.

Finally, Mary and her dad went dress shopping. After choosing her gown they tearfully agreed that her mom would have loved her dress.

Celebrating my friends’ weddings since losing my mom has been bittersweet. I am so incredibly happy for my friends. There is always a bit of sadness that creeps in, knowing that my mom was not here for my wedding.

Mary’s initial visit to the shop occurred before she chose her wedding gown. She expressed that restyling her mom’s bridal veil and headpiece was the most meaningful way to honor her beloved mom.

Mary and her dad, Tom, brought her mom’s wedding gown, headpiece, and veil in the most beautiful preservation box I have ever seen.

Mary’s mom’s 1980 lace and pearl headpiece and wedding veil.

I restyled her mom’s headpiece into a gorgeous backstyle with an additional headband and hairpins.

Wedding Photography by Charming Images

Restyling my mom’s veil and headpiece was one of the best decisions I made. After she passed, I made the conscious decision to include my mom in my wedding day in the most personal way I could. On my wedding day, I was so excited to put my headpiece in. Marie made such a beautiful backstyle.
When my incredible bridesmaids went to put on my veil, I was overcome with a wave of sadness. The veil looked beautiful and beyond my every expectation, but I felt my mom’s absence more than ever.
When my dad and I did our first look, neither of us could hold back tears. After we cried a bit and exchanged mutual feelings of missing Mom, we collected ourselves, made each other laugh, and got ready to leave.
The church where we married is next to the cemetery where my mom is buried. On the morning of my wedding day, my dad brought her balloons, including a big white one, to let everyone know she was the “Mother of the Bride.” Before our Mass, the Rolls Royce drove my dad and me to her grave, where we said a prayer and delivered her a bouquet of flowers.

Image by Sal Travis Entertainment

Billy and my mom were very close in their own special way. Billy promised her that he would always be there for me. He took that promise seriously and was very involved in the wedding planning process. He was there to comfort and support me every step of the way.

Thoughts For Brides Whose Moms Have Passed Away

Give yourself grace, pause when you need a minute, and know it is ok to be sad even when this is supposed to be the most exciting time of your life. Find a way to incorporate her in your own special way. Take her with you and let her be beside you. In her own little way, when you least expect it, she will let you know she is with you.
— Amy Rose
Know that you are not alone and that your feelings are valid. Wedding planning and your wedding day without Mom are a rollercoasters of emotions, oscillating between grief and happiness. Those emotions can absolutely coexist, so don’t feel bad about feeling both at the same time.
— Mary

This was one of the most difficult blogs I have written. Interviewing these two openhearted brides was solely to help other brides. Grieving is personal and unique to every individual, with no end date. For my “angel brides,” more firsts in life will happen without your mom by your side. There is no way to heal a broken heart, but there is a way forward. Your mom gave you life, and with that, there is an eternal love that can never ever fade. You, too, will find a way to carry that love on in your life. What a blessing she left you!

See you next month on the Fourteenth

Marie Hunt

This article was written by Marie T. Hunt, designer and owner of Headpiece.com.

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Restyling Mom’s 80’s Bridal Headpiece